Turning 50 this year opened many doors for me. Turning 40 seemed confusing and somewhat depressing. Looking back, I wasn’t ready to accept growing older. Fifty, on the other hand? Bring it on. 

Working in the field of aging services, I believe, adds another layer of responsibility in considering how we look at aging personally. This is much deeper than appearances. Aging is associated with so many beauty hacks, especially if you are a woman. I must have hit the “50-something” algorithm on my socials because I feel like I am constantly being sold something to make me look, or feel, younger. 

I will admit, I’ve gotten sucked in a few times. I’m not proud. Vanity is sneaky. But the more I think about it, and I wonder if you do too, hopeful aging has little to do with how we look. 

I, without a doubt, believe it is a mindset thing. Specifically, a hopeful mindset approach to aging is crucial. One reason I absolutely love working in our field is because we get to study and observe people who have been around a little longer than us. I am fascinated by people who, regardless of what they are living through, are happy and hopeful, and are genuinely optimistic. I keep trying to figure out how some are adding years to their life while others are adding life to their years. 

More importantly, when does a hopeful mindset truly take hold?

The cool thing is a hopeful mindset can start at any age. There is no age requirement for being hopeful. I wish more people would be able to see, feel and believe hope can be learned and practiced.  A great friend of mine bases her hopeful mindset on her faith. I see it in her actions, her words, and in her prayers. 

Despite knock-down after knock-down, she remains hopeful because of her faith. I admire that about her. It prompted me to think deeper about how to inspire a hopeful mindset in others, especially as we grow older and when life’s setbacks happen. 

I keep coming back to a hopeful mindset and how we train ourselves to think, act and behave. How to speak about ourselves. How we speak to one another. How often do we encourage rather than criticize? I most definitely do not have it figured out, nor do I practice as frequently as I should. My children have taught me to keep stacking one day on top of the next. Turn one day into two, three into four and so on. 

People may start to wonder what is happening and why your spirit is so happy. A hopeful mindset, especially at this time of the year, can make all the difference for you personally, for your teammates and for the residents we serve. 

Hopeful aging does exist, we must have the courage to accept it and practice it even when it’s hard. Let me be clear: You can be hopeful and realistic at the same time. I am fully aware of new laugh lines and realize my face has changed. I choose to embrace the wrinkles with a smile, not hide them with shame for the years that made them.   

Our attitude reflects who we are and the work we do. If we do not age with hope, how can we expect those we serve to?

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a LeadingAge Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and an alumna of LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

Doing this series has been rewarding in many ways. It has forced me to take a closer look at what they really mean as a leader. We are finishing out the year with hope. Last month I offered a few suggestions for offering hope to our teammates. 

Something wonderful happened after that blog was shared; it stirred something in people. I’m not sure why, but it was there. The feedback was mostly great. One comment I did receive was much deeper than, “I liked your blog.” A teammate of mine, while she agreed with the suggestions, pushed back, and said, “This is great, but how can we constantly offer hope, be smiling, laughing and optimistic because sometimes things just suck.” 

This feedback came in the form of an email which led to a longer conversation between the two of us. A conversation that, while I’m not sure we solved anything, led to deeper thinking, and understanding for us both. 

Providing hope to our teams sometimes means having an understanding and appreciation that everyone brings baggage with us to work. We all have things that, at times, feel unmanageable. I could list what that baggage may be, but you know what I’m talking about. Those things, circumstances or events that have absolutely nothing to do with work, weigh heavy even during work hours. 

How do you bring your best self when those “things” feel so heavy? 

Understanding is the word that most quickly comes to mind. There certainly are seasons when the baggage is heavier than other times. Being a part of a team where true understanding and appreciation for what you are carrying is so incredibly important. 

This teammate of mine is going through a season where life feels very heavy. That is one of the reasons why she emailed me. The pressures of life don’t just disappear because she entered the work doors. That burden remains. I am so proud that we have created a culture where she feels safe to bring that with her. We know, understand and appreciate that this is a temporary thing. She is committed to our work and the residents we serve. If she needs a little grace and understanding during this time, she has it, without question. 

The problem, friends, is when this spirit of understanding is taken advantage of. When the baggage is manufactured, the baggage constantly takes priority over the work that needs to be done. Our residents rely on us to show up and bring our best selves to this work. This requires honest and courageous conversations. Sometimes the most emotional conversations come when we have to question each other. 

There are times we need to ask and sit with, “How are you?” A drive-by “How are you?” simply isn’t enough. Asking, and really listening to each other, provides hope because it shows we care for one another. It shows we need each other to make this work. We are in the people business, and we must be each other’s priority. This is how we continue to offer hope.      

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a LeadingAge Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and an alumna of LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

Hope in healthcare hides in plain sight. Hope is here. It’s unfortunate that sometimes the moments of frustration overtake our soft, but powerful, hopeful attitude. 

The loud, but weak, voices can drag us all down. Our responsibility as leaders is to find hope even when it is hiding. 

We, myself included, search daily for answers to problems that plague us and keep us down. Problems that, if we are honest, will most likely always be here. Just when we think we figure things out, the rules change, people change and circumstances change. 

Staffing, for example, is certainly a daily conversation and it’s easy to lose sight of the possibilities of what could be because we are focused on the next shift, tonight’s opening and tomorrow’s call in. Being excited about the future when the present feels bleak is tough. 

How do we offer hope during a time where our teams can’t see beyond the next shift? How do we offer hope when we feel as if we are trying to put out fires and just when we think the smoke has cleared, the flame burns hotter?  

I have some suggestions that aren’t rocket science; they may even seem elementary. But I believe if practiced more, teammates will in turn provide hope to their teammates. Make hope a part of your daily routine. Invite hope in at every opportunity. Imprint hope and share hope through every interaction you have during the day.  So, here are four reminders of how we could provide hope every day: 

Smile, even when you are hurting. Smile, when you see others and every time you interact with others. Smiling is a requirement, a non-negotiable.  This provides a sense of calm that everything will be alright. You can make yourself smile, no excuses. 

Laugh, and laugh out loud. Laugh with each other. Laugh at yourself. Share a story, share a joke. I had a teammate who believed in laughter yoga and when he started laughing, we all couldn’t help but join in and laugh so hard our faces hurt. This reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously and there is fun to be had. 

Ask thoughtful optimistic questions. What if it works? Every time fear enters the conversation and teammates seem to focus on the worst-case scenario, be the one in the room to remind everyone, “What if it works? What if the best outcome happens? What if?” 

Check yourself. If your own bad attitude takes center stage and your presence brings others down, get your head right. As leaders, if our approach is the problem, we must fix it. 

How you enter the room matters, your body language matters, your approach matters. If you are constantly negative, hope suffers. Fix yourself and recognize you may be part of the problem. 

I’m not suggesting these four suggestions will fix everything. What I am offering is if we believe providing hope for our teams is a responsibility held by us all, then moments absolutely matter. 

These hope reminders will help create a culture where team members believe their role is bigger than a “job.” Our influence directly impacts lives and hope is perhaps the most important thing team members need from us as leaders.   

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a LeadingAge Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and an alumna of LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

Some good friends have now retired or are thinking more seriously about retirement. There is also a noticeable change; I am no longer the “kid” who is excited to embrace change, try new things and strive for the next big thing. More and more, I find myself thinking and talking about the next generation and my role in helping develop them for the future. 

Leadership is a finicky thing. Just when you think you are starting to figure things out, there is a calling or responsibility to help develop others. A good responsibility, not a negative responsibility. I know there are others who embrace this same responsibility; I wish there were more. Will it be enough? For our long-term care field specifically, will it be enough?

We know, according to Gallup (Strengths-Based Leadership), stability is one of the four basic needs followers crave from leaders. We’ve talked about those four needs each month this year in this blog. Trust, compassion, stability, and hope are the four basic needs. I am more and more curious about the word stability.

Specifically: Does longevity automatically mean stability? I’m leaning more and more this way: Longevity may provide the appearance of stability, but we shouldn’t assume just being somewhere for years means we are providing what our team needs. 

I’ve had the experience of working with people who feel longevity means they are “owed” something. Certainly, there is an appreciation for loyalty, but “a long time” doesn’t necessarily mean it’s been a good time. For those of us who have been around a while, we must still think creatively, get excited about change, and most importantly, continue to learn. 

There is a whole generation coming up who we need to join us in long-term care. We cannot let our COVID hangover, regulation exhaustion or workforce woes scare them from our great field. That is offering stability. Those of us who have been in the field for 20-plus years absolutely need to carve the path, but then we must get out of the way. Don’t misunderstand: We can’t leave, but we certainly can be more welcoming, more flexible and more open to new ideas and energy. 

I may no longer be the kid worried about figuring it out. But I am excited to be the silver sister who’s been around a while ready to embrace change, try new things, and strive for the next big thing. To me, that is what providing stability is absolutely about. 

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

Who would have thought the word “stability” could mean so many things to different leaders? 

One of my takeaways from this exercise is that there is no cookie-cutter approach to leadership. It is deeply personal; what one person takes from a word can be similar, but still has its own unique footprint. I hope you enjoy reading these responses as much as I did. 

Here are some of the results from reader feedback to the question I posed: What are some ways you are offering stability in your leadership journey?

— “The strength to stand or endure. That’s stability in my mind. I strive to create stability with my team and leaders by being consistent and available. In order to maintain that stability, I practice being present, active listening, empathy and knowing when to be silent. I want others to know they can come to me with anything at any time. I believe it is also important to take time for yourself to re-energize and put your best foot forward. I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be, but my goal is to provide trust, compassion, stability and hope each and every day to team members, residents and families.”

— “I think to provide stability for one’s team, it is best to lead by example and be consistent. Whether it’s sports, education or your workplace, the formula for success is the same, ‘put in the effort.’ If I don’t put in the effort, how could I expect my team members to? Consistently saying thank you, that was a good idea, or asking for an opinion is also something I personally practice.”

— “I try to provide stability by having open communication and having an open door, ear, and mind to actively listen to concerns and questions along the way. I hope I provide stability by meeting in groups and then following up one on one. I hope I provide stability by sending the extra email or text to let them know I understand their fears and feelings of unease around change. I hope I provide stability by letting them know I’m an imperfect leader too.”

— “I challenge myself to bring my best each day and provide a consistent, approachable demeanor despite what all may be going on for me personally outside of work and to take the time and energy to actively listen to others. To provide additional stability, I’ve learned the importance of being vulnerable with team members, which has provided a sense of relatability and connection in my relationships with others.”

— “I strive to show stability by consistently being here and available, but also sharing with others when I will be away from the office. But something I have really tried to model and be mindful of is stability by being present when talking to someone by putting the phone down, closing out computer screens if I’m at my desk, shutting the door, whatever it takes for me to be completely present in that moment with that person.  Giving someone your undistracted time is difficult in our immediate communication world, but I definitely feel it shows stability (and respect) when it can be done consistently.”

— “I believe being present, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally, is a key to stability.  When you are present in the moment, you can make real, genuine connections which builds trust, which leads to stability.”

— “I hope I offer stability through my presence and accessibility.”

— “Modeling a positive attitude!”

— “Clear direction helps provide stability. When staff members know their job duties and what is expected of them, they come to work each day with their mind set.  I know that some days we need to ask them to change their course, but if they know their basic job functions, this should not be a problem.”

— “I feel leading by example. Employees watch everything their leader does.” 

— “Stability in the workplace provides employees with a sense of confidence, security and optimism during times of disruptive changes. To help create stability for employees to succeed, they need the tools, technology and resources for their job. Trust is built by honest communication, which is built when you share a plan of action, check in often and lead with optimism.”

— “The well-being of the residents and families we serve and the team members we lead is paramount! In consistently caring for others, we develop a natural propensity toward empathy and compassion. When people know we care, that helps build better relationships and creates a sense of deeper trust and greater stability!”

— “For me, stability is all about being able to depend on a leader to respond in a consistent manner that won’t overturn the turnip truck, so to speak. Knowing that you’ll offer/receive a timely, measured, fair, and thoughtful response provides stability — even if it’s not the response you’re hoping for.”

I attempted to edit down the responses, but they were too good. What a lesson in stability and such individual, personal responses. There are definitely many themes here. It’s all a great reminder of how very important stability is!

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

As I tripped going down my stairs today, I cursed myself for not having better balance and a stronger core so I wouldn’t be as clumsy. I’m certain there are important exercises I should be doing to improve my overall stability. Some people are stable. Others, like me, have work to do.

Physical stability can absolutely improve with exercise, practice and determination. I believe stability in leadership also can improve with time and work. Team members need a steady strong presence from us. What are we doing every day to offer stability to the teams we serve?

Throughout 2023, in “Living Leadership” I’ve focused on what Gallup tells us followers need from leaders (Strength Based Leadership). Trust, Compassion, Stability and Hope are the four basic needs we must focus on to better serve our teams. An exercise we’ve worked on is to ask yourself, as a leader, what are you doing every day to build trust, demonstrate compassion, provide stability and inspire hope? When you break it down, it’s not so easy to articulate. Forcing yourself to answer, especially as it relates to stability, is crucial. 

Do team members know who they are getting? Consistency in leadership matters. Your moods shouldn’t dictate your responses. An awesome responsibility as a leader is to be able to put your personal emotions aside to rationally address who you are engaged with in the moment. If we are unable to do that, we need to find a way to collect ourselves so that we can be the anchor they need. 

This is hard. As leaders there are times we feel personally attacked and taken advantage of. Providing stability means we must set that aside and tackle what needs to be addressed. 

If team members wonder what kind of mood you will be in or if they can approach you at any given time of the day, that, my friends, is a problem. Consider what message you are sending and whether that offers a sense of stability. 

There are certainly other facets of stability we need to consider. I plan to focus on that next month. In the meantime, if you have ways you are offering stability in your leadership journey, let me know. I’m interested in learning from you. 

Stability is so key in leadership and it’s about more than just showing up every day. It provides a feeling, a sense of knowing and security that matters. 

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

Who would be louder? Who would draw more attention? Would one interrupt the other, or would they let each other speak?

Compassion in leadership should be what draws us in, but when busyness, irritation, laziness and poor work ethic crash the party, compassion gets pushed back into the corner. She might even get locked in the kitchen making more appetizers. 

I’ve been reminded over and over that everyone has a story. As leaders, it is our greatest duty to find out what that story is and listen. For us in this field, our responsibility is to put compassion at the head of the table, make sure she is an honored guest and not just an uninvited stranger. 

Our residents aren’t “put” here. Even though we’ve all heard, “I had to put my mom in a nursing home,” they have a story. Our residents are not objects. They are people who have lived full lives. 

Leaders in long-term care must remind even those closest to the residents we serve that our work is more than a series of transactions. We aren’t simply performing services; we are sharing in your loved ones’ lives. We are creating new stories, new experiences, sometimes at the most challenging point in your loved one’s life. 

Oh, and by the way, the caregivers who are sharing this experience have stories of their own. Some are young and just getting started in this world. They are scared. They are nervous. They may have come from a home that hasn’t always been safe. They may be at a crossroads in their life, and long-term care is offering the path less chosen. We must have compassion for their journey. 

Some of our caregivers have been at the party for a very long time. While they care for your loved one, they go home and care for their own parents, partner, children, or friends. They are caregivers, the “work” doesn’t stop when they leave. It’s who they are, and they are to be respected. 

What makes our work even more complicated is the stories don’t stop with residents and families. How regulations are interpreted and carried out creates stories we (providers and regulators) hopefully learn from. 

I lost my patience a few days ago when the expectation was placed on our caregivers that, essentially, they need to be completely free of making mistakes. We already have extremely high expectations, and yet, in our field, another agency tells us there is no room for error. The dynamic between setting expectations, adhering to regulations, and genuinely caring for one another is a tricky one; compassion should drive the experience. 

Leading in a field where everyone has a story is a blessing and a challenge. I believe those of us who value compassion will get it right more times than not. 

It’s unfortunate there isn’t that same level of compassion for those of us who consider this work bigger than ourselves, who consider this work to be anything but transactional. We are “accused” of many things, but what I know is this: we have deeply compassionate people who live and work here who find the time to uncover the stories. 

Accountability will certainly always be invited to the party. She is also necessary. But compassion must have a special invitation and share her voice with everyone who will listen. 

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates Leading Age Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

We have cool logo wear here and we all enjoy wearing T-shirts or sweatshirts with various Friendship Haven phrases on them. This has spilled over into my wardrobe in general. Specifically, anything to do with “be kind.”

I’m not sure what the attraction is other than a visible message of something that, many days, I feel we’ve lost. A reminder to myself and others that kind really is the only way to go. On days when that feels tested, a T-shirt or sweatshirt feels like a necessary, comfy reminder. Cheesy? Maybe. 

I’ve gotten too old to worry about being cheesy. In fact, I fully embrace my cheesiness.  Last month, I spoke about compassion in leadership. This month my message is even simpler. Be kind. 

In the moments where anger, frustration, jealousy, confusion and/or bitterness tend to sneak their way in, choose kindness. Give people the benefit of the doubt and practice empathy. 

There is kindness in being direct. I certainly understand there is a chance that might be confusing, so I’d like to offer a different perspective. Not beating around the bush and getting to the point can be an act of kindness. Going directly to a teammate with an issue you might have rather than talking behind their back is also kind.

Talking about someone and not to someone, especially at work, can create unnecessary drama. The only person you can control in that scenario is you. Nothing earth-shattering here. It goes back to treating people how we like to be treated. Pretty basic stuff, right? Yet, every day we see and hear examples of people who are cruel, self-serving and/or feel compelled to be part of the drama.     

Mind your business and be kind. We often judge people by how they live, cope or act when we have maybe one-fourth of the true understanding of what makes them tick. How can we stand in judgment? Just be kind. 

If it takes a T-shirt, sweatshirt, cheesy knickknack or a quick blog to remind you to put a smile on and be kind despite the struggle you may be going through, make it happen. 

We don’t have time to waste being part of the problem.  

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a LeadingAge Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed LeadingAge’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

Recently, I was reminded that our teams, many times, are fighting a battle we may know nothing about. They may be making life-altering decisions when they aren’t at work, they may be suffering from a pain we are oblivious to, they may be struggling to get out of bed in the morning … and we expect them to give 100% at work all the time. 

Is that realistic? 

Some think that in leadership we must be careful to show how much we care. That we may be taken advantage of if we care “too much.” It may show weakness or too much vulnerability. We can’t be friends with the people we work with. I absolutely challenge these ideas. 

Need proof? “My supervisor, or someone I work with, seems to care about me as a person.” When people answered yes to this question during a Gallup study (Rath and Conchie, 2008, p. 85), outcomes were better. 

Team members stayed, they were more engaged and more productive. In my experience, team members who feel cared for by the organization also feel a deeper sense of belonging. This is our responsibility as leaders to create an environment where it is natural and expected to care for one another. This starts with how you model compassion as a leader. Do you do just enough? Do you check the box to show you care? Or are you genuinely invested?   

Showing compassion is bigger than being “co-workers.” It is about heartfelt caring. We expect our team members to do this for, and with, the residents we serve. It’s also necessary that we do it with each other. 

I can already hear the argument: “How can I possibly do this? I don’t have the time, I’m too busy. I have too much on my plate, and now you want me to understand what is going on in my team member’s lives outside of work?”

The short answer: YES. 

I’m not suggesting you solve problems, act as a counselor or resolve our team member’s personal struggles. What I am coaching you to do is … care. Writing this blog today is a reminder for me too. 

We all get caught up in the day-to-day and don’t always take the time to ask, “How are you doing?” But also remember that it’s not enough to simply ask. Showing compassion is to ask and listen without judgment, without interruption and with an open heart. There are resources we could offer to team members. Most of us have an employee assistance program, but what I’m talking about today is that everyday practice of taking the time to make sure our team members know we care. 

As we all struggle with creating cultures team members want to be a part of, I believe showing genuine compassion for those we work with must be at the top of the list. We absolutely can be friends with people we work with. As long as there is mutual respect and shared purpose with a commitment to the organization, why wouldn’t we want to be friends with the people we work with? 

We are with these people sometimes more than our own families. Of course we care for each other. I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Reference:
Rath, Tom and Conchie, Barry. (2008) Strengths Based Leadership, New York, Gallup

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed Leading Age’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.

At the start of this year a teammate, Rollie Peterson, retired. If you know Rollie, you know he is the most genuine, caring, admirable person ever. If you don’t know him, let me tell you he is quiet, strong, friendly, unassuming and compassionate beyond words. Our relationship started when he was my “boss.” Although, I’ve never really felt like he was ever my boss; he has always been more my teammate. That is how our relationship of trust and genuine appreciation started. 

He taught me more than I ever realized, and I hope by sharing some of his teachings, he will appreciate the impact he has had on my life and the lives of so many others. There is no possible way I can do this justice in a blog, but there are some key points Rollie lived by that may be helpful for anyone working on building trust and sharing meaningful relationships. 

Our lessons started when he shared a chapter from an old crusty book he came across in college, “Negative Criticism and What You Can Do About It.” Chapter three is titled, “The Gossamer Thread.” It talks about how all relationships we have are connected by beautiful, fragile gossamer threads. That image has stuck with me for all these years, and I still consider it today. 

Giving and receiving feedback can certainly test the strength of that thread. Choosing when and how to offer feedback makes a difference. Understanding what people can and cannot change matters. Rollie taught me to consider that what people can’t change becomes more about you than them. He also taught me feedback given will be heard and appreciated if the intention is genuine.   

Rollie also reminded me often that in many situations, “sleeping on it” can provide the best perspective. For someone who can make quick, gut-driven decisions, this advice has helped. I may not always practice it, but I always consider it, and it has forced me to slow down. 

We all trusted Rollie would keep us on track. In the middle of tough decisions and sometimes heightened conversations, he would remind all of us of our mission and vision. When we questioned which direction to go, he would simply ask, “Is this in line with our mission and vision?” Thinking through that question would guide us in the right direction. We could count on him for that. It made an impact because now, even though he isn’t here, that question often keeps us on course.

Rollie and I are very different people, which is one reason we’ve had such a strong team. We had an appreciation for each other that was both said and unsaid. Our conversations were often about work, but also about life. We talked about what it feels like to grow older, raise children, feel success, feel inadequate, and move on through the chapters of our life. 

He is currently experiencing a new chapter, retirement. This has certainly been a transition for our team. His steady presence was so appreciated, it is definitely missed. However, the best compliment to any leader may be your presence is felt and appreciated even when you are not here. His lessons remain. Many of us are better leaders, and people, because of Rollie. 

These are the types of relationships great cultures are built on. When Rollie left, he gave several of us one of his books that he had on his bookshelf here at work. Some were funny, some were serious. I think it was his creative way of clearing the past and making room for new. I was lucky enough to receive this book. A dated reminder that relationships matter. Each day we are working to turn as many gossamer threads as possible into steel cables. 

Thank you, Rollie, for our steel cable relationship. Our relationship will forever be my reminder that building and maintaining trust and having open honest conversations with those we work with is the only way to go.   

Julie.thorson@friendshiphaven.org

Julie Thorson was the 2018 recipient of the LeadingAge Dr. Herbert Shore Outstanding Mentor of the Year award. She currently co-facilitates LeadingAge Iowa’s Leadership Academy. She is a Leading Age Academy fellow and former coach. The Head Coach (president and CEO) of Friendship Haven, a life plan community in Fort Dodge, IA, Thorson is a coach’s daughter at heart. A former part-time nursing home social worker, she is a licensed nursing home administrator and completed Leading Age’s Leadership Educator Program in 2019.

The opinions expressed in McKnight’s Long-Term Care News guest submissions are the author’s and are not necessarily those of McKnight’s Long-Term Care News or its editors.